My Frozen River

Last Monday I had the chance to visit Nauvoo, Illinois en route back home to DC after the holidays. Near the end of the day, as the sun was going down, we walked down the Trail of Hope to the shore of the Mississippi, where the pioneers walked when they were leaving the city.

It was FREEZING. Seriously frigid. And windy. There was no part of me that was not cold.

The river, already chunky with ice, was lined by skeletal trees and looked utterly uninviting. I'd like to say that it was the freezing wind stabbing my eyes that brought on the tears, but that wouldn't be entirely true. Standing there hit me harder than I thought it would. I imagined the pioneer version of myself standing on the edge of that river, my back to everything I knew, my face towards everything unknown. And terrible.

I imagined myself staring towards that river and asking Why? Why here? Why now? After everything that's happened, why another thing? WHY A FROZEN RIVER??

I realized, (when I realized I was crying) that part of me was asking those same questions about a current situation in my life. I'm standing in front of my own frozen river and thinking, REALLY?? Why must it be FROZEN?? Why can't it be a cool splashy experience on a warm summer day? Is this really the ONLY way? 

And I imagined He who hears everything answering, Yes. For you, this is the way. Your Zion is across this frozen river. And beyond the river, there are more unknowns for you. There are more things you won't appreciate. But there are no unknowns to me. And I will be with you every step of the way. And it will be worth it. 

He has always been with me. And while he sometimes parts the waters, sometimes he also lets us get our feet wet. And sometimes frozen. And sometimes our feet will be amputated. (Metaphorically...)

But another thing I learned that same day, when visiting Carthage Jail, was that just hours before being attacked by a mob, Joseph Smith asked Dan Jones if he feared death. Jones answered, "Engaged in such a cause, death holds no terror for me."

While frozen rivers (and many much smaller, less intimidating things) may stop me dead in my tracks, stalled by fear, the memory of the cause in which I am engaged will always help me to take another step, and then another. Engaged in such a cause, the future holds no terror for me.

Bring it on, frozen river.