These Last Two Weeks Have Been a Rollercoaster

My first title to this post was, "this week sucked". But a lot of good things happened too, including an awesome visit from one of my very best friends, so I felt bad summing it all up that way. I'm going to tell you about the good stuff so then if you want to stop reading you can, and then I will continue to vent about the bad stuff. I'll end it on a good note though, promise.

So, as previously mentioned, Maggie came to visit me this week! I love this girl and her awesome hubby with all my heart. She and I have known each other since elementary school and she's been a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on through every boy I've ever liked or dated. She's been a bike riding and baking buddy, she wrote me letters on my mission, she invited me to her sealing, she's an inspiration to me with all of her creative juices and her curiosity about everything. It was great being around someone who has known me longer than two months, who I can turn to and say, "remember that time when...?"
We went on a whirlwind tour of DC, walked miles and miles and collapsed into our beds at the end of every day. We went to the temple, we biked around town and visited the monuments at night, saw all of the cool museums, she met a few of my friends here, we went to the Torpedo Factory and toured a Masonic Temple and we ate cupcakes and fish and chips and burgers and even a fried snickers bar. Which, by the way, was awesome.
We talked and talked and it was awesome. I was sad to see her go. Although my feet were excited about not doing so much walking :)

In other news, I formed an LLC for my art business, so that was fun and made me feel kind of adult-ish. Whatever helps, right? Also my life in general is just great. I have great friends, and wonderful roommates, and I love my apartment, I love living in DC and all that it has to offer, I love visiting museums, I love going to the temple, I love meeting new people. I have great friends and family in Utah who are so supportive and great and regularly call me to catch up and to share their news and it's wonderful. My life out here is much better, in many ways, than I even hoped it would be.

There is a little miracle moment in this story - my roommate's talk about the Atonement reminded me of my testimony of Christ, and how important that is. I don't know how people get through life without it. And I thought of a scripture that my mission president's wife always shared - D&C 62:3 "Nevertheless, ye are blessed, for the testimony which ye have borne is recorded in heaven for the angels to look upon; and they rejoice over you, and your sins are forgiven you." And I don't know if this makes any sense, but I thought, even if I feel really lame about myself right now, and everything feels terrible, but I do have a testimony of Christ, and my job is to bear it. If I do that, at least I'm doing that thing right. So I got on my computer and wrote emails to my brother and to the missionaries that I taught in the MTC, sharing my testimony and how proud I was of them, doing the most important work in the world. Writing out my testimony did wonders for how I felt. So, fun life-hacking tip for you and me, whenever life feels terrible, feel free to be really really sad about it, because sometimes it sucks. But take a minute to share your testimony first, because it will work wonders on your perspective. Share it with anybody - a family member or friend, in an email, on a blog, on facebook, in your journal. 

That's actually the reason I'm writing this post today. Because today, life sucks. But today and every day, I have a testimony of the Savior Jesus Christ. Because He died for me, I know I will live again. I know I always have a second chance. I have an advocate who knows what I'm going through and loves me and will do anything to help me through. I know that because of my Savior, the scales of life are and always will be tipped in my favor. I will make it back to Him, clean and pure, a goddess, and it will be perfect. 

This last week I have felt really broken. I'm lonely, I have this desperate need to not be alone ever, and I feel really bad for the two close friends I have here because I've been leaning heavily on them. They have been the recipients of a lot of emotional dumping from me and they deserve a lot of ice cream. At the very least. I go from being happy to being sad to being angry within minutes, and being aware of how crazy I'm being makes me think I'm a crazy person. I have bursts of motivation, like the other day when I deep cleaned my room and reorganized all my furniture and started painting again. And then the motivation goes away and all I want to do is sleep for days and days. 
I hate feeling like this. I wish I could fast forward through all the emotional healing junk and just be normal and whole and good again.

This was probably more of a glimpse into my life than you wanted, and I will probably regret posting this immediately. Anyway, the point of this is that life is hard and sometimes terrible and we do stupid things and we mess up our lives and we act crazy sometimes. But there's a Savior there for all of us. Always there, always with arms outstretched. If we turn to him he will open our eyes and our hearts and heal us. He will turn us outward to others where we can find joy in service. He will lead us to a place where we can feel overwhelming joy and peace. One day it will all be perfect.

Alma 26:35,37 "Now have we not reason to rejoice? Yea, I say unto you, there never were men that had so great reason to rejoice as we, since the world began; yea, and my joy is carried away, even unto boasting in my God; for he has all power, all wisdom, and all understanding; he comprehendeth all things, and he is a merciful Being, even unto salvation, to those who will repent and believe on his name."
"Now my brethren, we see that God is mindful of every people, whatsoever land they may be in; yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth. Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving; yea, and I will give thanks unto my God forever. Amen."