Dear Missionary (who has anxiety),

Guess what, you lose, I had anxiety way worse than you. I remember days when there was no part of me that wanted to be on a mission still. I even told one of my poor companions that, and she was a brand new missionary! She was probably scarred. It got to where some days I couldn't contact people, I was practically paralyzed by fear. And then when my companion contacted people, I just stood there and cried. I liked teaching lessons, but contacting people was too much for me to handle. 

And lucky for you, I've learned the cure. Or a cure, I guess. Ready for it? The cure is: to know that you can't be cured. Hahaha. Jk. 

The trick is not to mask it, hide it, or bury it under other things. Everyone feels anxiety and some point in their life, it's part of being human. If you squish it down and hide it somewhere, it's going to come back. 

But if you feel your anxiety, let it run its course, it'll go away!

 

Look your anxiety in the face and say, hey anxiety, I love you. I know you don't think you can be loved but too bad, I love you. Find reasons to love your anxiety. For example, you're anxious about being a missionary because you've wanted to be a missionary for SO LONG!! You've been looking forward to it and you have so many feelings about God, and this chance to be on a mission, and the people there, and yourself, you're anxious because you have SUCH a BIG HEART and so much love and you care SO MUCH about doing well! Those are awesome things! Say hey anxiety! Look how big you are! You're the biggest because of all God's children, I have the BIGGEST heart. He gave it to me because he knew I'd take care of it. He also knew it would come with all of these feelings and not just anyone could handle it. But I could. 

Think of your anxiety like a sidekick. Anytime you have an experience that makes your anxiety bubble up, know that's it's way of recognizing a challenge and rising up to meet it. 

When you feel sad, you don't have to push it away. As the great John Green said, "The truth is that it hurts because it's real. It hurts because it mattered. And that's an important thing to acknowledge to yourself." Recognize why you're feeling sad. I've found that recognizing why I'm really sad, and saying to myself (I sound like a crazy person) Hey, I'm sad because of this thing, and it's ok. I'm gonna be sad about it for a while. Because being sad makes my heart bigger. Understanding sadness and anxiety is preparing you to reach out to people that you'll know and teach who will deal with the same things. 

Sometimes we feel like because we have the gospel and we know better, we're not allowed to feel sad, like we're doing something wrong if we're sad. But when the Savior heard that Lazarus had died, he wept. He knew that Lazarus would live again, He probably even knew that it would be soon. But losing someone hurt, and he felt that, and he wept along with the others. 

When he was performing the Atonement, which was the Big reason he'd come to earth, Jesus asked if there was any other way, if maybe after all he wouldn't have to drink the bitter cup. Even the Savior had moments where the last thing he wanted to do was the thing he was being asked to do. But the most amazing moment of the Savior's ministry was when he said, NEVERTHELESS, not my will, but thine be done. 

YOU ARE BEING LIKE THE SAVIOR when you feel deep pain or fear or anxiety and ask, is there any other way? Sometimes there is. And sometimes you will say, not my will, but thine be done. THAT'S AMAZING. 

The Savior said to be ye therefore perfect. You know what another word (which I like better) for perfect is? Whole. Missionary, be ye therefore whole. Whole, in my mind, means not being at war with yourself. It means loving yourself for every single part of you. You will feel sad, and you will feel anxiety, and you will feel fear, and you can love yourself for every moment of it. Those feelings are evidence (as if you needed any) that you have heart, that you have the body that Heavenly Father sent you here to have and to learn to know. Loving  yourself makes you more ready to love others, those you serve can sense your wholeness and they will respond to it. People who are whole invite other people to be whole too, and in that way your very existence will invite others to the Savior. 

You are the perfect missionary. And you know what? It gets easier. I promise it does. It doesn't always stay easier... You'll have times where you feel like everything is amazing and you're a glowing ball of joy, and times where you think, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME AGAIN??? It's the great circle of life. 

Missions are hard. When you're struggling, you're rocking it. You are. You're growing. The closer you get to the Lord, the more you become aware of your weaknesses. But look to the Lord and KNOW he will make your weaknesses strengths. 

You've got this.