Marriage, Boats, and God

It's midnight, but all these thoughts were running around in my head, so I'm going to let them out.

I have some things to say about the man I married. We're coming up (in ten days) on the one year anniversary of the day Andrew and I met. It's insane what a difference a year can make.

This time last year, I was calling 2014 "The Year of the Friend Zone" because I had put myself out there with a series of guys I found intriguing, and each one had politely declined in the interest of remaining 'friends'. I was beginning to wonder what was wrong with me. I was determined, though, to find my amazing Super Mormon Returned Missionary Man, and was positive he would show up. I started using Tinder, first as a joke, and then because the conversations inevitably (somehow) turned to the subject of my religion, and I liked the chance to be a missionary.

This time last year, Andrew had also begun using Tinder as a joke. He was a happy bachelor, a casual drinker, seeking a similarly fun and carefree woman who ideally would make more money than he did and be willing to spend life traveling and enjoying the finer things, without being tied down by silly things like marriage or children.

We met, and we were each the opposites of what we were searching for. He was an atheist, and I was an aspiring artist and writer who dreamed of having 12 children. He liked to drink for no reason at all, because it was a Tuesday, and I'd never had a drink in my life. He was active, a soccer and hockey player, I preferred Netflix to nearly any form of exercise. He was from Indiana, I was from Utah, and somehow we met in DC. Meeting was weird, and I thought him asking me out again was weird, and somehow by the third date we were hooked.

Within a month, the subject of getting married had come up. Another few weeks, and he had asked me to follow him to San Diego for his new job. Another week, and he had started coming with me to church and meeting the missionaries. Less than three months after we'd met, he was baptized. One week later, he had moved to San Diego and I was packing up my life in DC. By the end of April we were both on the west coast, in June we were engaged, in July we were married.

We've been married for 5 months now, and it's been a trip. I don't know at what point you're allowed to give your thoughts and words of wisdom on marriage. I have a feeling that 5 months isn't it. Bur I'm going to say a few things. Being married is, as everyone said, the hardest and most amazing thing ever. It's hard for different reasons than I expected (and I say this knowing that we haven't even encountered anything hard yet). It's hard because it turns out we're both drama queens with a penchant for the silent treatment. It's hard because I think the best way to improve is to point out all the things we're already doing right, and he thinks the best way is to point out all of the things we do wrong. It's hard because we argued in the morning and now I have to go to work and get things done when all I want to do is talk to him and make things right. It's hard because he made a comment about the way I was paying my tithing and I took it as an assault on everything I believed. It's hard because you're two very complex humans and everything about your lives has changed.

It's wonderful because he's the handsomest man I know, and he's mine. It's wonderful because even in his sleep he reaches for me and pulls me closer. It's wonderful because today I made an Avengers-related joke and he laughed for a full five minutes. It's wonderful because I know his shoe size and his favorite color and the way he likes the towels to hang and the way he'll answer the phone when I call. You get the picture...

About a week before we got married, Andrew went to the temple for the first time, to do baptisms for the dead. There was a wiser part of me that felt deeply peaceful about the decision to marry him, and there was a neurotic part of me that worried about all the what-ifs. I worried especially about how often we disagreed on things. As I worried, I was reading the Book of Mormon, and had opened to one of my very favorite stories, in Ether 2. In it, the Jaredites are preparing to head to the promised land, and God has instructed them to build ships to get there. The brother of Jared builds the ships, and then notices a few problems with them and goes to the Lord to ask what to do about them. As I read, I felt like I was in a similar situation - heading towards the promised land, with Andrew and I in our 'relationship boat', about to embark on the ocean of marriage. I felt like we had tried to build our relationship in the way God had instructed, but there were some definite problems. I related to the brother of Jared when he asked the Lord about how they would have light and air in the boats as they crossed the ocean.

And it came to pass that the brother of Jared cried unto the Lord, saying: O Lord, I have performed the work which thou hast commanded me, and I have made the barges according as thou hast directed me.

 And behold, O Lord, in them there is no light; whither shall we steer? And also we shall perish, for in them we cannot breathe, save it is the air which is in them; therefore we shall perish.

I thought, God, I've really tried, but we have some relationship flaws and I'm thinking if we try to cross this marriage ocean in this boat, we just might perish.  Like the brother of Jared, I felt myself asking, "O Lord, wilt thou suffer that we shall cross this great water in darkness?"

The Lord answers:

 23 What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels? For behold, ye cannot have windows, for they will be dashed in pieces; neither shall ye take fire with you, for ye shall not go by the light of fire. 

 24 For behold, ye shall be as a whale in the midst of the sea; for the mountain waves shall dash upon you. Nevertheless, I will bring you up again out of the depths of the sea; for the winds have gone forth out of my mouth, and also the rains and the floods have I sent forth.

 25 And behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come. Therefore what will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea? 

Yes, it will be hard. Nevertheless, I will bring you up again. The trials, the waves, have gone forth out of my mouth. They are leading you towards YOUR promised land. And most importantly, I prepare you against these things.

Reading this story, those words felt like a personal promise to me. Chelsie, I have prepared you for these things. You are doing your best. You are making the right decisions. You are stepping out into the ocean in faith. And you will make it to the promised land that I have prepared for you.

I just have to say that I believe in a God who keeps his promises. I believe in a God who speaks peace to his children's hearts. I believe in a God who has better things prepared for us than we could ever imagine. This Christmas, I am incredibly grateful for the God who brought Andrew Ring into my life. He has helped my heart to grow. My Heavenly Father promised me once that if I were to dedicate my life to learning to see and love Andrew the way He sees and loves Andrew, it would be my greatest privilege. I've just glimpsed the fulfillment of this promise in these last (almost) 12 months, and I can't wait for the next year, and the year after that.

Soapbox over. My husband is cool.  Chelsie out.