The Windows of Heaven

I used to start every morning by listening to a General Conference talk while I got ready.
This was a practice that affected me more than I realized, and it was only this morning, when I was trying to decide which book to read while I ate my breakfast (Not only can I not find enough reading time in the day, but I'm an incurable multitasker...) that I remembered it and realized that I haven't listened to a conference talk in quite a while.

This morning I listened to Elder Bednar's most recent talk, "The Windows of Heaven" and it changed everything.

I guess as a little bit of preface before I share exactly what I liked so much about the talk, I should say that two weeks ago I made a big life change. With one big suitcase and one small suitcase, I waved goodbye to my family and friends and headed off to the other side of the country, to a place where I knew only one person. This one person was the reason I moved. He inspires me and looking at him makes my heart feel lots of feelings. This move, to an expensive, intense city, was a big leap of faith for me. Especially considering the fact that a few days before I moved, the person I was moving for decided that he wasn't sure he wanted to be with me.

So I arrived, with my two suitcases, with nowhere to live, and with only one friend who I wasn't sure would be my friend anymore.

And it has turned out better than I could have hoped.

And with that intro, I'm going to turn the time over to Elder Bednar.
He said this:

"The imagery of the “windows” of heaven used by Malachi is most instructive. Windows allow natural light to enter into a building. In like manner, spiritual illumination and perspective are poured out through the windows of heaven and into our lives as we honor the law of tithing.

For example, a subtle but significant blessing we receive is the spiritual gift of gratitude that enables our appreciation for what we have to constrain desires for what we want. A grateful person is rich in contentment. An ungrateful person suffers in the poverty of endless discontentment (see Luke 12:15).

We may need and pray for help to find suitable employment. Eyes and ears of faith (see Ether 12:19) are needed, however, to recognize the spiritual gift of enhanced discernment that can empower us to identify job opportunities that many other people might overlook—or the blessing of greater personal determination to search harder and longer for a position than other people may be able or willing to do. We might want and expect a job offer, but the blessing that comes to us through heavenly windows may be greater capacity to act and change our own circumstances rather than expecting our circumstances to be changed by someone or something else.

We may appropriately desire and work to receive a pay raise in our employment to better provide the necessities of life. Eyes and ears of faith are required, however, to notice in us an increased spiritual and temporal capacity (see Luke 2:52) to do more with less, a keener ability to prioritize and simplify, and an enhanced ability to take proper care of the material possessions we already have acquired. We might want and expect a larger paycheck, but the blessing that comes to us through heavenly windows may be greater capacity to change our own circumstances rather than expecting our circumstances to be changed by someone or something else.

...Sometimes we may ask God for success, and He gives us physical and mental stamina. We might plead for prosperity, and we receive enlarged perspective and increased patience, or we petition for growth and are blessed with the gift of grace. He may bestow upon us conviction and confidence as we strive to achieve worthy goals. And when we plead for relief from physical, mental, and spiritual difficulties, He may increase our resolve and resilience.

I promise that as you and I observe and keep the law of tithing, indeed the windows of heaven will be opened and spiritual and temporal blessings will be poured out such that there shall not be room enough to receive them (see Malachi 3:10)."

As I listened to his words, it was as though my spiritual eyes were being opened and I suddenly began to see the blessings that the Lord has given me these past two weeks. 

Since the minute I bought my plane ticket, I've felt a deep sense of peace. Even through the emotional rollercoaster that my dating relationship has been, there has always been an underlying sense of peace, that everything is going to be okay. I've noticed it especially in the moments when I've been talking with friends who are close and aware of the situation, when they ask how I'm doing in a tone of voice that indicates they won't believe me when I say that I'm fine. I really do feel fine. 

The Lord has marched a steady stream of supportive people through my life since I got here. I seriously have never made such good friends so quickly in my life. There were four girls who let me live in their home for a few days when I first got here, even though they didn't know me at all, who made sure to befriend me, show me around the town, help me find the best cupcake places, and took me to the temple. There is my roommate, Afton, who is one of the sweetest, most thoughtful people I know. There have been people at every church meeting and activity who have reached out to me, sat by me, taken my number and made sure to invite me to future events, gotten to know me, and introduced me to others. There have been people in my apartment building who have smiled and wished me a good day or night, who have helped me get on the right bus, and who have even left a container of strawberries hanging on our doorknob. Then there are of course my wonderful friends and family who have called or messaged me to make sure I'm doing alright. 

There was the mission friend who I haven't talked to in years who sent me a random message the other day telling me how great he thought I was and how I affected his life. 

There was my best friend calling to tell me she'd been thinking about me and wanted me to know that I deserve all the happiness in the world. 

There was my baby brother who told me repeatedly, "je t'aime, Chelsie", which is my favorite language to hear 'I love you' in. 

I've been blessed with many ways to live within my limited means, including ridiculously cheap rent (for DC anyway) and people who keep feeding me randomly. I've been blessed by people who are kind enough to buy my paintings and encourage my efforts. 

I was blessed with the courage to move out here, and a sense of adventure that keeps me exploring, even when I have to do it all by myself. I've been blessed with an increased love of beauty that keeps me in constant awe of my surroundings (I almost cried actual tears when I was looking at a painting the other day). I've been blessed with increased self-assurance that allows me not to feel intimidated when talking to my lawyer-accountant-Capitol Hill staffer peers. I've been blessed by the ability to laugh at myself and let things just roll off my shoulders. I've been blessed with the courage to apologize when I needed to. 

Most of all, I've been blessed by constant reminders of the Lord's hand in my life. I've been blessed with an assurance that everything will work out just fine. Better than just fine, even. My ending will be picture perfect :) And I have no doubt of this because my journey so far has been more than I ever dreamed it would be, and if there's anything I learned on my mission it's that: "Dieu ne fait pas les choses a moitie." Or in other words, God doesn't do things halfway. 

Happy Valentine's Day everybody!

Ps, I've never actually been in a relationship on Valentine's Day, so part of me is really relieved. Not being single would've really thrown off my groove.