It's all relative.

Some of you may have noticed that recently there has been an unusual smattering of depressing or angry posts.
I'm fine now though. I've been improving in leaps and bounds. Or so I feel.
One thing about me that has been sometimes a strength and sometimes a weakness is that my perception of time can be somewhat skewed. By that I mean that a day can feel like a week. I go through so many emotions and thought processes and decisions in the course of a day that it's hard to sit down and think, wow, was that really just this morning that happened? That can't be right....
This is pretty much the norm.
This can be good in that, for example, I never stay mad at people for very long. It's exhausting for me to do so, I have to force myself to not talk to them to make my point. Time seems to slow down. And while I can quickly become mad, I can just as quickly forget it all and bounce right back to happiness.
And no, I am not bipolar.
This can be bad in that my sense of time is just skewed. And when you are skewed from the rest of the world, it's usually you, not the world, that must be reset.
For example, this past Saturday was kind of a culmination of a lot of things going on. So I said, this has to stop. I am setting some goals. So I did, and they lasted until....Monday. By Monday night I thought, yes! I am doing awesome! Look how well I have done!
Thus the "I have improved by leaps and bounds" statement.
Until I remember that only two days have elapsed. Well, three days now. Three days that felt like an eternity.
Looking back, this seems to be a pattern.
Over the course of a semester, I reevaluate my goals probably once every two weeks. Then I have an on week, and then an off week. The off week then motivates me to dive back in to the goal setting. Then there's an on week.
And so it goes.
I feel like a hamster on a wheel.
ok not really. But the image just fit really well right there.

I have a very limited point of view.

This is part of my problem.

And I get pulled into my own problems until they drive me crazy.

Today this was happening.

I have a problem, the overcoming of which has been a great source of growth in the last few weeks

But today I was going backwards,

and the problem was beginning to overwhelm me again

and then I stopped myself and thought,

I am not the first person to have this problem. It's not even a huge problem. People get over this sort of thing every single day.

And my mind just went, "oh".

And everything is back in perspective again.

And I felt sheepish.

I keep saying I want to get out of Provo

I want to go to Seattle, I want to go to Ukraine

It's not that I don't like Provo, I love Provo

But I feel like this is the only life I've ever known, and I want to be stretched

I want to see new things and get a new perspective

Because more and more I realize how limited mine is.

And I think it is the root of my time-relativity problems.

And maybe if I went to a foreign country, I could find more interesting things to write about than my strange thought processes that nobody wants to know about.